TimeToHeal Blog

Forgiveness - Live It

“Every time there are losses, there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression, and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper.” –Henri Nouwen

Forgiveness - Say It

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Forgiveness - Learn To Grieve

Last week we discussed how to blame everyone appropriately (including yourself). So what now? You are now set up to grieve the loss. Some people fail to process their grief effectively and then are surprised by either how angry they are or that they still feel so much hurt. Many times the emotion they feel is expressed at an odd time and they are surprised when it happens.

Forgiveness - The Forgiveness Stage

Here is the truth: there is often no good reason why bad things happen, and there is no justice for a wrongdoing. Wrong is wrong, and nothing can be done that will make it right. There is indeed pain that results from a wrongdoing. However, the pain of unforgiveness is much different than the pain of an offense. When someone does a hurtful thing the person on the receiving end feels pain. But, the ultimate pain of their heart will not be from the event; it will be a result of unforgiveness.

Forgiveness: The Bitterness Stage

Do you know someone who held on to a hurt so long that bitterness eventually took root? They may have believed that time would heal the pain, but it never did. In fact, time seemed to cause the wound to become more deeply imbedded in their heart. For the sake of insight, let me show you the journey of that person who won’t heal their wounded heart by forgiveness, but instead becomes bitter.

Forgiveness - The Denial Stage

I remember the first time I fell off my bike and skinned my knee. My whole body reacted to the pain in an attempt to relieve it. I curled up in a ball with my hands cradled around the wounded knee, cried a few tears, and rocked back and forth still holding the knee. Once the pain subsided, I released the grip on my knee, stood up, flexed my knee a few times, wiped the tears away, and got back on my bike. 

Lighten Up Conclusion

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” — MOTHER TERESA
Expressing gratitude builds intimacy, which promotes more appreciation. The more you focus on your spouse’s positive attributes and behaviors, the more often you will continue to notice them.

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