Master Your Emotions

Remember the story of Cain and Abel, the first humans created by the first humans?

God created Adam and Eve and then the two of them began the whole conception and birth process we know today.

Cain was the first son and then came Abel. Here’s where the story picks up in Genesis 4. “Abel was a herdsman and Cain a farmer. Time passed. Cain brought an offering to God from the produce of his farm. Abel also brought an offering, but from the firstborn animals of his herd, choice cuts of meat. God liked Abel and his offering, but Cain and his offering didn’t get his approval. Cain lost his temper and went into a sulk.”

We don’t know exactly what the deal was with God approving one offering over the other, but I have a guess. The Bible identifies that Abel’s sacrifice included “choice cuts of meat” and the speculation could be that Cain’s sacrifice was somewhat inferior, maybe vegetables or fruit that was of lesser quality? Not sure, but there was something about what Cain brought God that didn’t make the cut. Regardless, Cain’s offering expressed less effort, less priority, less personal than Abel’s.

Have you ever given God something less than your best? It’s interesting how God approaches Cain after God’s evaluation of the two gifts. Cain was upset and got angry. “God spoke to Cain: ‘Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won’t you be accepted? And if you don’t do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it’s out to get you, you’ve got to master it.’”

It seems to me that when we don’t do well, God doesn’t come down on us because of our behavior, but is more concerned about our emotions that remain unregulated. Anger, fear, resentment, bitterness if left alone will master us and lead us to making unwise decisions. God directed his attention to Cain’s apparent inability to master over his emotions. “You’ve got to master it.” Cain is now known as the person who initiated the first violent expression against another, killing his brother.

Anxiety, worry, fear, anger, and resentment are crying out to us for mastery. The human body was not meant to hold on to these emotions for long periods of time.

They have a shelf life, a time limit, an expiration date, so ultimately as these emotions get intense, they cry out in ways so we’ll recognize that life is not supposed to go this way. Peace is supposed to rule while bitterness and anger are to be regulated and mastered. A person’s soul cries out with rage, resentment, fear, doubt, and worry, driving the lack of peace to materialize it self in many different ways.

• Passive communication (sulking, pouting, not making your needs known, and then when your needs go unmet, the cycle of resentment continues)

• Avoidance, hiding, escaping, running away

• Substance abuse

• Emotional numbness

• Over long periods of time a person will settle in the routine of anger, bitterness, and negative thinking, making it more difficult to change

What if we allowed these emotions to be a friend to us rather than our foe? Imagine taking all of these emotions and thoughts and using them to help us envision a brighter future, freeing us from our past?

Allow anger and resentment to:

• Inform us of an imminent danger

• React to danger, preparing us to adapt and survive

• Brings us to an imbalance place emotionally, which is like waving a red flag

• Anxiety is our soul crying out for mastery

• Helps us recognize the need for peace

• Leads us to faith. Action. Prayer. Worship. Finding a tool and using it. Talking to a friend. Exercise. Yoga. Meditation. Controlled breathing.

It can be amazing to see ourselves gain control over these emotions because our mastery has become more common. We will be more brave and courageous about future obstacles in our life. Observing courage in us today creates more bravery for tomorrow.

Master Your Emotions Part 2

There was a prophet in the Old Testament that was speaking about the coming of the Messiah. He said that a child would be born and will be called Prince of Peace, and because of the greatness of his government, there will be no end to his peace.

Have you ever thought: At what point we will see a government that ends all wars and where we experience peace on earth? I have been a resident of this planet for over a half-century now and there seems to be more conflict today than ever before. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight to war, violence, crime, or hate.

With marriage breakups, poverty, mass shootings, addiction and overdoses: where is the end? If there is a time where we need a Prince of Peace who would come and bring peace to this earth, this is the time.

But the problem is that Jesus never intended to bring peace through nations, governments, or institutions. He meant to establish his own government of peace. He desires to bring peace to his own nation, his own kingdom, in the human heart. The Prince of Peace was designed to be YOUR Prince of Peace. Peace is supposed to reign inside you regardless of the lack of it outside of you. So the war that we need to fight is not the war outside us, but the war inside us.

The problem is not that there is a lack of peace in the world, but that there is very little peace inside the human heart.

I am not mitigating the fact that there is such violence in our world, but the only way to reduce the terror outside is to reduce the terror inside. The effort to create more peace is always an inside-out approach.

The emotions of anxiety, worry, anger, hurt and fear has found a home inside of us, and when those emotions linger, they start sucking life out of us and that is what death looks like. People are dying on the inside and that death will always work itself out. People “act out” what they feel inside.

The problem is not that people feel these emotions, it’s that they feel them for long periods of time. Carrying these emotions around is like carrying a heavy weight. The brain releases cortisol and this stress hormone does wonderful things to help you survive and overcome threats. However, if the brain is in a continual state of releasing cortisol, your body will begin to age much quicker.

Adrenaline is known to accelerate heart rate, inhibit digestion, constrict blood vessels and decrease hearing and vision. Cortisol production increases blood pressure and blood sugar levels, hardens arteries, increases fat storage and lowers growth hormone. The result? It wears our bodies down. People age quicker.

We must master our emotions to live life more fully!

Another tool to incorporate into your life is to train your brain to think different thoughts as you encounter a difficult situation.

Example: When facing a challenging situation: What are three ideas or thoughts you could focus on that are positive, encouraging, and joyful? Spend the next 15 – 30 minutes focused on these inspiring ideas.

Your brain cannot think about two things at one time, so choose what your mind stays focused on. Remember, the emotions of anxiety, fear, and anger all have an expiration date when you replace these emotions with positive thinking.

Do yourself a favor today, and start your day by organizing your brain with three positive and joyful thoughts, then keep returning to them all day long. Enjoy a peaceful day because you are peaceful!

Master Your Emotions Part 3

How does someone acquire PEACE?

Does it come from having:

• Money?

• Fame?

• A certain ethnicity?

• The right job?

• The right spouse?

All of these attempts to find peace come from outside of our control and would be difficult to maintain. Many people work hard to acquire these things, hoping to find peace and contentment. However, money, fame, and power do not guaranteed joy, contentment or peace. Peace can be very elusive if someone is hoping to find it within his or her circumstances.

In Luke 1:78-79 we are told “the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

In order to define peace it is helpful to understand what the lack of peace looks like. When a person’s soul cries out with anger, rage, bitterness, fear, doubt, and worry, peace becomes a rare find within them. The lack of peace materializes itself in many different ways. The lack of peace looks like darkness. The rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death. People, who feel the intensity of anxiety, worry and fear live in the shadow of death.

What does light do to darkness? We often do not think about it but when we go into a dark room, we flip a switch and presto, we can see! You don’t go into a room and turn on a light and say, “hey, where did the darkness go? Hey, darkness, where are you hiding?” Light doesn’t hide the darkness, it doesn’t expose darkness, it  completely eradicates it.

Shame keeps people open to the idea that light is just temporary, so they are always waiting for the darkness to reappear. This shame keeps people feeling anxious, fearful, or angry, and with very little hope of ever changing. People often think that any light only hides the darkness, and it’s this very kind of thinking that keeps them in the shadow of death. They survive this life by breathing, but not really living.

I know of a man who just turned 35 and has been living a death sentence for a long time, in the shadow of death. He was told when he was very young that he had high anxiety and severe depression, and has been on medication ever since. His soul died a little when he was a child and yet he has kept on breathing for years, living in the shadow of death and thinking there was little hope of ever experiencing peace.

Light removes darkness, shame, and the lies that keep us living in the shadow of death. And when lies are eradicated, the emotions of anxiety, worry, and fear begin to loosen its grip. Now, they may show up on your front door and knock and want to reenter. But the truth of God, his light, keeps it outside. His truth can keep the door closed forever!

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” -John 8:32.

Here are some common lies with an associated truth:

I am a failure.	I have failed, but I am not a failure.
I am a worthless.	I am worthy.
I am unlovable.	I am lovable.
I am an angry person.	I feel anger, but I am prompted to correct what is unjust.
I am a hurt person.	I feel hurt, but I am being healed.
I am an anxious person.	I feel anxiety, but I am brave.

One set of beliefs will keep a person in shame and darkness, while the other thoughts produce more freedom. Spend this week focused on the thoughts you believe will create more freedom and peace in your life. Peace comes from within you, not outside.

Master Your Emotions Part 4

At one point in the life of Jesus, he spoke to a group of people and noticed despair in their eyes and said, “do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” He recognized something that few of us notice.

Trouble isn’t something that people find on the outside, it is something they allow to form on the inside. Many try to escape conflict, hurt, and trouble by running away, hiding, freaking out, and isolating themselves. The problem is that they use these and other techniques but can never get away from the trouble because it is inside of them. “Don’t let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Why would God give us the capability to feel fear and then say “do not be afraid”? Why would he give us the opportunity to feel worry and anxiety and then direct us to not feel these emotions?

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:6-9

ALL emotions are God-given and adaptive, in that a person who feels is healthy and is encouraged to pursue righteous or good living. But all emotions can be misused to become maladaptive, which is hurtful, unhealthy, and leads to bondage and dysfunctional living.

For instance, most people would rather feel happy versus anxious. I’ve never had anyone come into my office complaining about too much happiness in their life. “I’ve got too much joy. Too much peace.” So, could happiness be maladaptive? Have you ever noticed people who are bubbly with joy ALL the time? It just seems so fake and unreal. They seem happy during sad events. I have even observed people who giggle when talking about a sad event. They are not very congruent with their emotions and the events of their life. So even happiness can be maladaptive.

If feeling happiness can be unhealthy, can anxiety be adaptive and healthy? Fear and worry can be an emotion that is warning us about something that needs addressed. If a person faces their concerns and works to correct whatever it is that needs adjusted, their anxiety and fear are actually working for them.

However, anxiety can also lead people to paralysis and therefore keep them immobile and isolated. How do you correct the maladaptive versions of anxiety, fear, anger, worry, and hurt? In the Philippians verses, we are encouraged to recognize and face our anxiety by praying and by renewing our mind. If you have a thought that creates anxiety, begin thinking about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. You will find that what you choose to think about will help fade an unwanted emotion into something more peaceful. Keep putting this technique into practice and peace will be much more available. The difference between belief in God and faith in God is what you put into action.

Your reading of this blog may actually be an effort on your part to believing that God will finally speak relief to your soul. I would say that’s exactly what God wants to do!

I trust this article stimulates a passion in you to act on your belief.

There are more people who find peace than who find despair, because peace can be given to you regardless of your surroundings.

Practice focusing your mind on the thoughts you believe will create more freedom and peace in your life. Peace comes from within you, not outside.

Master Your Emotions Part 5

Feeling prolonged levels of anxiety, fear, anger, or hurt is like carrying a weight.

A person’s brain responds to that weight of anxiety and the more pounds carried, the more cortisol the brain releases. Extended release of cortisol will literally make a person age faster. When anger, fear, or worry is prolonged — that is, when the fight/flight reaction goes on alert and remains there — physiological systems elevate for longer periods of time and ultimately become counter-productive. The result? The body wears down.

The remedy to change a consistent unwanted emotion is to face that feeling head-on. It is healthier for a person psychologically to face their giants, their fears and worries voluntarily rather than be chased by them. God said to Cain (the one who was angry and contemplating murder) ”you must master this, if you're not proactive and you sit around and wait, sin will crouch at your door, ready to pounce on you.”

Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”. It’s best for a person to find the darkness in their heart rather than waiting for it to overwhelm them.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing is changed until it is faced.” –James Baldwin

The emotion producing part of a person’s brain is trying to tell them where there are obstacles in their soul. These emotions are screaming “it's dark in here, I’m being consumed by the darkness, I don’t have enough light, I’m not strong enough.” There are lots of situations that are either dangerous or not dangerous depending upon your mastery.

What if anxiety, anger, or fear were friends rather than foes? Imagine taking all of these emotions and thoughts and using them to help envision a brighter future, freeing you from your past.

Observing courage in your self can help overcome future fears and worries.

God uses these emotions to:

• Inform us of an imminent danger

• React to danger, preparing you to adapt and survive

• Run, fight, freeze all as a mechanisms to survive for the short term

• Bring a person to an imbalance place emotionally, like waving a red warning flag

• Cry out for mastery

• Recognize the need for peace

• Lead a person to faith. Action. Prayer. Worship. A tool. Talking to a friend. Yoga/Meditation. To healing.

Action builds courage. Tell yourself, “this fear will pass.” Your world expands as your courage and willingness to grow expands. Open up your world today to face your fear.

It is normal for someone to want to avoid the things they fear. However, avoidance prevents a person from learning that the things they fear are not as dangerous as they think.

The process of facing fears is called EXPOSURE. Exposure involves a person gradually and repeatedly going into feared situations until they feel less anxious. Exposure is not dangerous and will not make the fear worse. And after a while, their emotions will naturally lessen.

You long for one true friend? You have one. And because you do, you have a choice. You can … ponder the malice of your monster, or the kindness of your Christ.

“this fear will pass, I will not be consumed, I will become victorious!”

This week try facing one of your giants with the mindset that you are courageous and brave. Speak to yourself all the way to the battleground, “this fear will pass, I will not be consumed, I will become victorious!”

Next week I will begin a discussion regarding one of my favorite tools: “How To Renew Your Mind”. Have a peaceful week!

Master Your Emotions Conclusion

Do you have thoughts that come to you uninvited as you observe life? When you are in line to check out at a grocery and the person in front of you is taking longer than you desire. Thoughts that might come to you would be:

• This person is inefficient and slow

• This person is inconsiderate and delaying my day

• This person is enjoying a relaxed day

Depending on your thoughts, beliefs and values you might conclude one or more of these scenarios. These ideas or perspectives, if unchallenged, are what I call involuntary thinking. They come to you without any effort or pretense. And if these thoughts remain unchallenged, you will conclude that they are accurate, true, and rational. And then your brain will respond accordingly. Let’s consider the idea that you believe the person in front of you is inconsiderate and unaware of your time demands. The result might be that you feel angry and anxious, and then you might react by expressing these emotions in some form of behavior.

In a chart it might look something like this:

A Trigger Event	B Beliefs & Thoughts	C Feelings	D Behavior
Person in front is slow in checking out at the grocery.	My thoughts include that this person is inconsiderate and disrespectful of other peoples’ time demands.	I would feel angry and anxious.	I would become impatient and sigh heavily, giving obvious cues that I’m in a hurry, look at my watch, have my credit card in hand and tapping it on the counter. Or, I might even say something to rush the person along.

However, you may not always like the way you feel and behave and would want to change. Since the battleground is in the mind you have to renew your mind to begin to voluntarily examine your thoughts and beliefs.

Voluntary thoughts are beliefs that you purposefully think about through research, investigation, critique, and spending time dwelling on them. You would voluntarily challenge them and ask “are they true and rational?” Standing in that line thinking the person in front of you is insensitive, but then ask, how do I know that? What if they are distracted or just being extra careful? I don’t know for sure what frame of mind this person is in. Maybe it’s their day off and is trying to enjoy every minute of their day?

All thoughts could be subject to this kind of investigation, but people often choose not to give them much consideration. Involuntary thoughts become embedded and that's why people feel and then react with inappropriate behavior. A person’s emotions were intended to bring their thoughts to the forefront for investigation.

Involuntary Thoughts Can Be	Voluntary Thoughts Can Be
Shameful	Graceful
Started early in life	Usually later in life
Accumulated over time	Can be renewed now
Serve to hurt us	Serve to heal us
Keep us in bondage	Set us free
Cause us to react without thinking	Allow us to respond with rational thinking

Unexamined thoughts result in an environment fertile for shame to grow.

The ABCD tool helps us take involuntary thoughts and voluntarily investigate so that you can take every thought captive.

A.     Trigger Event

Anything that happens to initiate the question “Is this safe or is this a threat to me?” A person in line at the grocery checkout, spouse, child, co-worker.

B.     Belief

Set of values, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, preferences accumulated over time to determine how you will feel and respond.

C.     Feelings

Mad, Sad, Glad, Hurt, Angry, Scared, Happy, Content, Peaceful

D.    Behavior

Your reaction to what just happened; sometimes it’s internal.

A Trigger Event	B Beliefs	C Feelings	D Behavior
What specific event triggered your feelings and actions? The person in front of me is slow	What specific beliefs or values were prompted? People should be considerate and respectful of other people’s time.	What emotions did you have? Angry and anxious	What outward or inward reactions showed your beliefs and feelings? I tried to rush the person with passive-aggressive measures. My self-talk was very negative about the person in front of me.
Event Check	Belief Check	C Emotion Goala	Behavior Goals
Describe the event, as a video recorder would have seen it. Same event.	Intentionally challenge your values. Slow people are not necessarily inconsiderate. All people deserve respect.	What emotions would you like to have if this event happened again? Less angry and anxious.	What actions would you like to have if this event happened again? More patient.

It all depends on how you want to feel and respond to people who seem slow and impeding your progress. You can choose to feel and then respond the usual way or your can choose to feel and respond differently. The battleground is in your mind!

Use this tool with a specific experience you encounter in which you would like to change your response, then spend time investigating your thoughts and beliefs. Voluntarily thinking is healthier for the brain and will result in a much happier life because you’ll be able to master your emotions.